Character Interview: Geralt of Rivia

Born of a witch and a warrior, as a child Geralt went through a series of trials and training, gaining almost superhuman physical and mental abilities. The White Wolf has become extremely popular through his many monster hunts and quests, being one of the best and the few remaining Witchers alive.

We manage to take The Witcher away from his monster-slaying for a short while to ask him a few questions and get to know him better.

Didi: Welcome Geralt, thank you so much for coming. For everyone who hasn't followed your adventures, would you mind telling our readers a little bit about yourself?

Geralt of Rivia: I gladly would, but I can't remember.

D: Oh, right... typical videogame cliche, amnesia. Fortunately, we already know. But for those who don't, Geralt has been through a series of tests and mutations which made him what he is today, a Witcher. He was also apparently killed by an angry mob and somehow brought back to life with no recollection of past events.

GoR: ... I knew that.

D: Can you tell us what is it you do as a Witcher?

GoR: I kill things, usually not for free. Got something that needs killing?

D: Uhh.. no. Well, maybe a few spiders, but...

GoR: Giant spiders?

D: No, they're normal spiders, just bugs.

GoR: I'll do it for 200 orens.

D: What? No!

GoR: How about 100?

D: No! I can kill my own spiders if I need to. Can we please go back to the interview now?

GoR: Sure. What is this for anyway?

D: For the GI readers.

GoR: What's that, GI?

D: We're a group of girls who like playing games, so we have this site...

GoR: Wait. You're telling me there's only girls working here? (grins pervertedly)

D: Yes... (moves chair back a little looking suspicious) In a way, but each of us works from our own home. I work here, they work where they live.

GoR: So, you play games... do you also play dice poker?

D: Not really... well, I have, on occasion. My dad actually had a set of dice back when...

GoR: Up for some strip dice poker, then?

D: What?! No!

GoR: (shrugs) Worth a try... How about a drinking game? I brought some Mahakaman Mead and Zerrikanian Spirit... I'm all out of Cherry Cordial though, girls usually like that.

D: I thought those were potion bottles?

GoR: Yeah... a lot of people do. (smirks and takes a sip of mead) Want some?

D: No, thanks. I'm really not much of a drinker.

GoR: (rummages in his satchel and pulls out a little bottle) Nilfgaardian Lemon? It's a type of vodka, very refreshing.

D: Tempting... but no, thank you. Could we please try to focus just a little on the interview now?

GoR: (sits up straight and looks serious) Sure.

D: So what would you say was the most memorable moment of your career so far?

GoR: Well, they've made a TV series based on me, but I keep hearing it sucked. There's a book too, and this videogame everyone keeps talking about. It's quite flattering. Oh yeah, and all the women I have bedded, they were all pretty memorable too. Except I can't remember their names... I do have their pictures though.

D: Just when I thought I was getting a straight and decent answer... But you hit a good point. What is it that women like about you so much?

GoR: (winks) You tell me...

D: The bad boy attitude? Maybe the eyes... I really don't know. But there sure are a lot of circulating rumors about the size of your... a-hem, sword.

GoR: (grins) They're not just rumors.

D: (rolls eyes) Seriously though... You're covered in bruises and scars, there are blood stains all over your clothes, you gamble and drink a lot... (sniffs) and you smell funny. The only advantage is that every other guy in Vizima and its surroundings seems to have been hit really hard with the ugly stick.

GoR: That's harsh... However, you would smell funny too if you had to spend days in the swamp killing drowners and whatnot. In fact, I think you should come along with me sometime. (winks)

D: (confused) Did you just ask me out?

GoR: (smirks) Maybe.

D: (frowns) To a swamp...

GoR: You're a picky one, huh? Alright, how's this then: Dandelion is having a little concert tomorrow evening at the Hairy Bear. Join me for a drink?

D: I really don't drink.

GoR: They have raspberry juice. And I know that because I sold them some.

D: Right... yeah, I think I'll pass.

GoR: Ok, so you don't drink, don't play dice poker, let alone strip dice poker... What the hell do you do for fun then?

D: Rock Band.

GoR: What is that, some bandit clan?

D: No, it's a game.

(Geralt looks completely puzzled)

D: It's like a concert. See this here? This is your guitar, or "axe" if you prefer.

GoR: Oh... I like axes.

D: I'm sure you do. You can have this one, I'll take the drums. It will be just a minute. (fetches the drums set, turns around and starts putting it together)

GoR: So what do I kill with this thing? (swings guitar controller around as if brandishing an axe in a real battle) It feels somewhat clumsy.

D: (setting up the pedal on the drums) You'll get the hang of it.

(in the middle of the enthusiastic showing off, Geralt spins around and smacks unsuspecting Didi on the back of the head with the Fender Stratocaster)

(Didi is knocked out cold)

GoR: Oh, shit... (looks down) So, um... I guess this interview is over then?

(Geralt looks around to make sure no one is watching, slowly sneaks towards the door and leaves)

To be continued...