Character Interview: Princess Peach

With the seemingly never-ending fame that Mario has achieved over the decades, we thought we should take a moment to interview Princess Peach, the woman behind the man, and see how she holds it all together while Mario is away.

Brandy: Thanks for talking with us today Princess Peach.

Princess Peach: Oh, that's quite alright. I've actually been looking forward to this for weeks now - being all locked up in that castle all day doesn't allow for much human interaction.

B: Locked up... in your own castle?

PP: Of course. I have to stay in the tower so I'm not taken again. Mario insists.

B: Really? Well, I guess he does have a point. You do get kidnapped an awful lot.

PP: Yeah, it's a terrible thing, but you get used to it after a while, you know?

B: Actually, no, I wouldn't know. I've never been kidnapped.

B: Really?! Well, I highly recommend it - at least once. It's a great boost to your self-esteem, knowing there are people out there who care enough to search for you. (makes puppy eyes and batts her eyelashes) People like my darling Mario.

B: Right... Um, speaking of Mario, how is he lately?

PP: (shifts in her seat) Oh, Mario, where do I begin? (looks blankly off into space) I haven't talked to him in a while actually. You know, I was really thinking that since we both had a lot of time off lately that he would finally decide to settle down...But he's off riding the coattails of fame from that new adventure of his... Galaxy or whatever.

B: Super Mario Galaxy, right.

PP: I mean, I've only been his main squeeze for what, over 25 years now? You know, it takes a really dedicated woman to wait around that long for a man.

B: (mumbling) Yeah, or a really desperate one.

PP: What was that?

B: Oh, nothing. (clears throat) You were saying...

PP: What, oh right, relationships - it takes a lot of dedication and love, and that's something we definitely have. I'd like to see that Daisy wait around as long as I have. Speaking of which, do you happen to know if she was in that Galaxy trip with him?

B: Uh, I'm not sure.

PP: Ugh, that wench. I wouldn't put it past her. Making advances at my man while I'm locked up in some smelly old tower. She thinks she's sooo cute, just because he rescued her once... or twice. But who's the one who has her own game? Me, that's who!

B: Wait, I thought she had eyes for Luigi?

PP: What's that? Oh, the nerve of that woman! Just because she's a princess doesn't mean she can have every man in the universe! That nasty Tatanga should've just married her when he had the chance! But nooooo, Mario had to be the kind and gentle soul that he is and rescue her.

B: Princess, if you don't mind me saying so, you really shouldn't be getting all worked up over Daisy when Mario seems to have made his intentions clear with you. After all, he apparently cares deeply for you, or he wouldn't have rescued you as many times as he has.

PP: Hmm, I suppose you're right. But I'd still like to put her in her place. Knock her upside the head a few times with my trusty parasol.

B: Wow, I never knew you were so violent.

PP: Well, why shouldn't I be? I'd like to see you get kidnapped dozens of times and retain any sort of self-control. (stands up, waving parasol madly) Why, if I ever see Bowser again, I might just... (huffs and puffs)

B: Wait, I thought you said earlier that getting kidnapped was a great boost to your self-esteem?

PP: I did? Oh... (cough cough) Yes, I mean, I did. (sits back down) It's just... All of those kidnappings do terrible things to your clothes. All the dirt from the back of vans and the cots they make you lie on. Or even worse – the concrete floor! I simply shutter at the thought.

B: I can imagine.

PP: That's why I stay in the castle, you see. That way we can avoid all of this nonsense. Of course, that's also why I make sure to wear my Sunday best everyday of the week. I can't look ragged in my Missing posters, now can I?

B: No, I suppose not.

PP: Right.

B: Princess, if you don't mind, is there anyway we can get back to the interview at hand here?

PP: Oh, well, yes... of course. I'm terribly sorry for my outburst; forgive me.

B: No need to apologize, I just know that you must have a lot of things to attend to in your Kingdom.

PP: Not really...

B: Oh... um, ok, then. So, where was I? Oh, yes...

(knock at the door)

Man in Black: Uh, excuse me, Ms. Peach? You're 4 P.M. kidnapper is here.

PP: Oh my, is it that time already? I'm coming.

B: But I haven't even...

PP: (interrupts Brandy) I'm so sorry, but I guess we will have to finish this some other time. Take care now! (turns to Man in Black) You can blindfold me now. And hurry, I don't have all day!