Mount Your Friends
Reviewed by Didi Cardoso
Review Date Platform Genre Rating Production
2015-01-16 PC M (Mature) Stegersaurus Software Inc.

Mount Your Friends was a Steam gift from my cousin, who shares my weird sense of humor. I really had no idea what this game was about and my first reaction was really a big "WTF am I looking at?", so when I finally sat to play it on my own I was actually surprised at how much it made me laugh. I mean, sides hurting tears rolling down the face kind of laugh!

Soon enough, a three person game took place and the whole thing became even more hilarious. So I turned around and purchased it for another friend as a gift as well. And hilarity ensued some more.

Mount Your Friends is a tower building game where you stack a bunch of speedo-wearing muscular guys with dangling, spinning dicks, on a goat and on top of each other, to make the tallest tower possible. I don't know how else to explain it, that really is it.

It controls much like QWOP, using AWSD to move your guy's legs and arms and the mouse to point at the direction you want to go. It's weird, it's awkward, it's at times incredibly frustrating, but it's downright hilarious to see the jerky confused motions of the characters while the strange physics take effect. You can also play it using a controller, which makes it slightly less awkward to control.

Personally, I like the keyboard controls since they make for more hilarious situations, and Mount Your Friends has definitely been all about the laughs for me.

The game offers several single-player modes, some of them presented into a mini-game fashion. For the most part, it's still vertical climbing as high as you can go, with or without a time limit, but a few others have different goals. Coin Collection has you climbing rocks across the screen in order to reach coins, which have dangling dicks. Gem Collection places you in a room with a few barriers, where you can stick to any surface and attempt to collect gems... also with dangling dicks. Long Distance Run has you walking, tripping and crawling to the right as far as you can within the time limit. Horizontal Climb places the goat near a cliff and you must basically build a bridge as long as you can.

There are some co-op games you can play with a friend on the same computer, one using the keyboard, the other with a controller. Unfortunately, these are not available to be played online, where you are limited to basic climbing with a few timer, spawn and gravity options. Still, online is where it's at!

It is absolutely hysterical to play this with a few friends, especially when you decide to make custom skins of everyone involved. (Note that in order for all to see the custom skins and heads, all players must have them in the respective folders.) The laughter is contagious and it makes it even more difficult to control the characters. I have been in tears so may times, laughing until my sides hurt, all from all the clumsy groping and rubbing that goes on in these games. If you were ever uncomfortable being close to people, this is going to be an awkward experience at first, but it will definitely help you come to terms with inappropriate touching. Not to mention spinning schlongs. Not saying that I'm about to go out in public climbing on people's heads while grabbing on to their genitals, but if (and that's a big if) you get over the uncontrollable laughter and recurring gigglesnorts, and can eventually stop staring at the dangling gravity-defying penis (or fish, or pickle) on every little guy's crotch, Mount Your Friends becomes a battle of skill and humiliation as you purposely and repeatedly smack your friends' dicks, teabag them into submission in strange positions and grope your way to the top.

If you haven't tried mounting your friends before, there's never been a better time. There's even a safe for work mode where all the guys wear suits and a spinning zipper tab. In the meantime, check out the videos below.

Special thanks to Sandra, Michael and Luke for the fun!